2013 films

The films from 2014… no not really. You’ll have to wait until next year for that.

1) X-Men: First Class. Just thought I’d watch it again.
2) The Ipcress File. My name is Harry Palmer.
3) The Man with the Golden Gun. He’s got a powerful weapon.
4) Diamonds are Forever. Stuff in Vegas.
5) Tales of Earthesea. Can someone explain that film please.
6) Tales of Terror. Vincent Price at his finest.
7) Fearless Vampire killers. There is a smell of garlic sausage.
8) Gremlins. Glub-glub.
9) Dredd. Film of the year material.
10) Sleuth. The original version.
11) Cannonball Run. Oh how many years have passed me by since I last saw that.
12) Ultramarines. A very missed opportunity but still an OK film.
13) RED. How old do they look?
14) Les mis. The Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush version.
15) Solomon Kane. That demon at the end wasn’t as bad as I remembered.
16) Army of Darkness. This is my BOOMSTICK.
17) Skyfall. Best Daniel Craig Bond so far.
18) The Black Hole. Can someone explain the end please?
19) The cabin in the woods. That has to be Cthulhu at the end or I’m going home.
20) The Hunger Games. Wow, that was actually pretty good.
21) The Amazing Spiderman. Not amazing but not too shabby.
22) Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. Pointy ears a plenty.
23) Marathon Man. Yeah, it’s safe.
24) Meteor. Sadly this film contains no Dominos pizza,
25) The Golden Voyage of Sinbad. Watched as tribute to the death of a legend.
26) End of days. Its been a while since I’ve seen it and it will be a while before I do again.
27) Fiend without a face. I do love that hokey piece of shlock.
28) The Godfather. Various horse/offers jokes.
29) *********** *****. I’m so ashamed to have watched it that I can’t even name it. I’ll just say Travolta, Sci-fi and facepalm.
30) Assault on Precinct 13. The original Carpenter version and bit with the girl and the ice cream still shocks me.
31) Bubba Ho Tep. Hail to the king baby.
32) Blazing saddles. More beans vicar?
33) Dragonfly. Fairly easy going Kevin Costalot but not much happens in it.
34) Soldier. It has Kurt Russell in it. Other than that I can’t think of anything else good about it.
35) Transformers: Revenge of the fallen. Stuff happens, robots do things, cars drive around, things blow up.
36) The Devil Rides Out. I’m not sure the Devil actually rides anywhere.
37) Diary of a Madman. From Lee to Price.
38) Ghost in the Shell: v2.0. I’m not sure the new CG work adds anything to the story.
39) Expendables. More steroids.
40) Expendables 2. MOOOAAARRRE steroids and some tacky one liners.
41) Battleship. Why did I watch that?
42) Let Sleeping Corpses Lie. Possibly my film of the year.
43) Ghost in the Shell 2. Long pause. Another long pause. Someone shoots someone else. Long pause.
44) Paranorman. Soooo gwwwooood.
45) Hotel Transylvania. Great up until the point the monsters find out they have groupies. Bleeh bleeh bleeeeeh.
46) Frankenweenie. How many monster films references?
47) Spirited Away. Never eat unattended food.
48) Nanny McPhee and the big bang. Needed more of a kaboom.
49) Dark Shadows. More Depp.
50) Edward Scissorhands. Even more Depp.
51) A Series of Unfortunate Events. No Depp here.
52) The Fugitive. That jump off the train still looks good.
54) Predators. Finally, a worth successor to Predator.
55) Iron Man 3. I AM IRON MAaaa… oh no. I forgot. No I’m not.
55) Dune. I do love that film but the more I see it, the more I realise its rubbish next to the book.
56) Raising Cain. Nobody does MPD psycho like John Lithgow.
57) Transsiberian. First time I’ve seen Woody Harrelson play a dork.
58) Daredevil. Better than most people give it credit.
59) The Keep. Visually stunning, awesome music, mumbling actors.
60) Young Guns. They do look young.
61) Funeral in Berlin. Did Michael Caine just crack a Batman joke?
62) The Changeling. With special guest stars John Colicos and Barry Morse.
63) The Towering Inferno. Burn, baby, burn.
64) Flash Gordon. I’m not going to be obvious and quote “Gordon’s alive”.
65) Billion Dollar Brain. Hello English.
66) Con-air. Should have put the bunny back.
67) The First Great Train Robbery.
68) The Great Escape.
69) The Eagle Has Landed.
70) The Tailor of Panama.
71) Curse of the Crimson Altar.
72) Hellboy.
73) Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD.
74) GI Joe: Retaliation.
75) Fracture.
76) FAQs about Time Travel.
77) The Sorcerers.
78) The Mission.
79) Pacific Rim.
80) Lost in Space.
81) The Crazies (2010)
82) The ninth gate.
83) Alien 3.
84) Alien Resurrection.
85) The Hunger Games. Catching Fire.
86) The People Under the Stairs.
87) JFK.
88) Crimson Tide.
89) Despicable Me.
90) Man of Steel.
91) Oz the Great and Powerful.
92) Wreck it Ralph.

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